Tags: shenanigans


Back villside

Oh it's so good to be back in Louisville.

Uhm, quick highpoints from my 2 weeks in Mt.Sterling/Olive Hill... I rode an unbroken horse and didn't die. And hung out with highschool people. That's about it really.

In the 3 days I've been BACK?

Had a semi-lame party that was actually fun. Ran off the first bunch of people that showed, cooler people showed up, everyone apparently thought josh and I were fighting because we were calling each other names despite the fact that we TOLD them we weren't fighting. Got pretty damn drunk, called cute felicity girl bitching about people who don't know the difference between cricket and croquette.

But tonight is the best. Josh heard tell of a road called Baseball Alley. It is very nearly downtown. We decided that we need to have possession of this sign. We scoped it out during the day, it is on a pole, and quite fucking high in the air. Being the well prepared kleptomaniacs we are, we took a folding chair and my toolset. We decide to leave around 1230, to stop at McDs. Dude in a car next to us asks us what we're getting as we get out. Josh and I do a good approximation of o.O IRL, and the guy tells us he'll buy us food if we go get him a Sweet Tea because "I'm lazy, this line's too long and I don't want to go in". He gives us a 20. We go get him a tea and he tells us to keep the change. FREE MCDONALDS!

So we eat our (surprisingly delicious) chicken sammichs from McDs and set forth on our quest. We drive down to baseball alley, but there are people. and we see cameras on the building next to baseball alley. After driving around a while we park in a lot across the street, and sit on a really fucking tall ledge, smoking, waiting for everyone to GTFO so we can get this sign. After about half an hour, everyone is gone. I drive up to the sign, josh pulls out the chair... and we've vastly underestimated the height. We plan to go back with a pickup and a ladder as soon as we find a friend with a pickup.

This makes us sad, as we wanted a sign. We decide to drive around Okalona and find a substitute sign. We find many that we want, Gayeway, famous, vagabond, bourbon. But all of them ARE REALLY GODDAMN IMPOSSIBLE TO GET. Which makes us VERY sad. Josh sees a road called Trio and FLIPS. Decides to takes a BASEBALL BAT to the sign. A METAL bat. We didn't get the sign, but I suspect we woke up the entire goddamn neighborhood.

We didn't get any signs.

In other news, we have two new flamingos. They're called Larry and Bruce.

And I'm off now, because I have an interview for the Honors Overseers Program tomorrow.

Look out kid, it's somethin you did

Josh gets back from work tonight and I'm still awake, ostensibly working on a paper.  Josh has had a horrible shift, because his coworker is a lazy dick.  We decide to go to arbys (or rather, I wanted arbys and told josh I'd get him curly fries if he came with me).

On the way back, I see the little A frame barricade still leaning against a tree where it has been for weeks.  It's 0445, I look at Josh and ask if he wants it.  The answer is a very enthusiastic yes.  We drive around the block, and I pull up next to the tree.  Josh jumps out of the car, grabs it, shoves it in the backseat... and realizes it's attached to 50 feet of police tape which he proceeds to stuff in the car as I go OHSHITACAR.  He slams the door and I pray that there isn't any tape hanging out the door.  Josh jumps back in and we take the hell off.  We pass 2 police cars going the other way.  I am very thankful they are going the other way, because I'm still half convinced we're trailing police tape from the passenger side.

We're almost back at the house when we see a BIG ASS road work sign sitting against a building.  We share an 'oh hell yes' look.  Get to the house, take our newest possession in, giggling like 12 year olds the whole time.  Walk the half block down to the big ass road sign.  Josh picks it up and RUNS across the street, and I wish I could describe this scene.  The sign is only a foot shorter than him, and as wide as it is tall.  I can only see his head and feet as he scramble runs across the street trying to fight the wind and the huge fucking sign.  We get into the alley and the running ceases, because we're in a freaking ALLEY and no one is going to see it (or if they do, they're not going to give a shit).  It takes more time to get the sign in the door than it did to steal it.  

In other news, it seems we're trying to see how much illegal shit we can do in a 24 hour period.  Most people, I think, do LESS illegal shit as they get older.  I spent my teens being a mostly good kid, I think I'm making up for that now.

Louisville cops are the BEST COPS EVER.

This might be TL;DR but trust me, it's worth it.

Josh and I have a Red Ryder BB Gun.  Josh and I get BORED.  Josh and I like to shoot pedestrians from our 2nd story window (yes, I'm aware this probably makes me a horrible person, I don't particularly care).

Today, the internets DIED.  I was bored, so I took the gun to the man cave smoke room shooting range (aka the room where we smoke and from which we shoot people). There were no pedestrians, so I was shooting birds.  Josh comes in the room, we're just shooting at the for rent sign down the road.  Then these two guys walk past the house.  Despite the fact that we both had misgivings about shooting these people, we were like... y'know what, fuck it.  Josh shot the guy.  As we do every time we shoot someone, we went YES. FUCK. and then hid until they walked away.  These people didn't walk away.  We were army crawling through the apartment.  I go to the window, don't see them... look down, they're standing in the front yard. Go FUCKSHITDAMN. 

Decide I will walk out to smoke/see what these guys are about.  Pretend to be o.O about them being in my yard, ask them what they're doing in my yard.  They say someone in our house shot them with a pellet gun.  I am torn between LOL and FUCK. Went with asking if they were okay.  Guy was all, I'm fine but I have this HUGE WELT and shows it to me... it didn't even look like a mosquito bite.  I have been shot with a pump action BB Gun, that shit IS painful.  Our gun is spring loaded, it is more of a WTF than an OW.  I talk to them a while, pretend I live downstairs and don't know who lives upstairs.  Also tell them our landlord is not here (oh she totally was, but can't lie for SHIT). I am shaking like a LEAF.  I tell them I'm diabetic and have low blood sugar, the not-shot guy is all oh need your insulin. me... noooo, that would make my blood sugar even LOWER I need to eat (I am NOT actually diabetic, but thank fuck I know that low sugar DOES make you shaky as shit.) The guy CALLS THE COPS.  I am very OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK at this point, tell them I need to go eat but will check to see if the upstairs tenet is there.

Run upstair go OH FUCK JOSH WE NEED TO LEAVE POST HASTE.  We think very seriously about jumping out the window and driving away.  Decide this will be a bad. call. because we would probably just break ourselves if we jump out.  So I look at Josh and ask if he can lie.  He goes... I dunno, have cigarettes?  

We go back out.  Josh tells them he lives upstairs but has been playing video games and didn't hear anything.  Josh and I talk to them awhile while we wait for the cops.  Guys walk away to flag down the cops.  I look at Josh and go fuck... we can't lie to the cops... too much. So the two youngish WASPy cops walk over without the guy we shot.  I tell them that we shot them when we were shooting at a bird in a tree with our Red Ryder and it glanced off but we were afraid to tell the guys because they were big and we're not (they WERE big, but we totally could have taken them. They looked like pussies).  One of the cops is trying really hard not to laugh, and goes "A red ryder? One of those spring loaded BB Guns?" yep, one of those.  At this point he is grinning.  He asks if we have records, how old we are, etc. Then asks if we were aiming for the guy "Oh god no! We were shooting the bird! They get in my garden all the time. And it glanced off the tree and hit the guy!"

The cops are both trying not to laugh at this point.  One of them says he'll go talk to the guys, tell them it was an accident, and see what they want to do.  They walk back, the guys walk off (pointedly NOT looking at us at all).  The cops tell us we shouldn't shoot while there are people walking, because, and I quote "You might shoot someone's eye out".  And then the other cop says something about we shouldn't do it in the front yard because fish and wildlife might get mad. Both cops laugh about fish and wildlife.  We apologize for them having to come out for this, they're just laughing.  They leave, Josh and I wait for them to get out of sight and then just laugh. a lot.  I'm still breaking into random giggles an hour later.

I think my favorite part was how the cop OBVIOUSLY thought the guy was a pussy for making this much of a fuss over getting hit with a red ryder.  And the Christmas Story jokes.  I love Louisville cops.